Big T vs Subtle T Trauma
We often think of trauma as big, overwhelming and uncontrollable events in our lives. A natural disaster. A major accident. Witnessing or experiencing a violent act. Society as a whole has become more trauma-informed and we now know and honour that these major life experiences can result in profound changes in how we think, feel and act.
When it comes to birth trauma, too often we mistakenly think of only the big things that happen to us. Those moments where the life of the birthing parent or the baby are at risk. Something unexpected occurs, a significant medical intervention is needed like an emergency c-section and decisions are made with urgency.
These are the Big T traumas of our birth experiences.
But what about the Subtle-T traumas?
It is possible for PTSD to occur after what the medical community would call an uncomplicated pregnancy or birth experience.
Subtle-T traumas in pregnancy and labour refer to the non-life threatening but still wounding experiences that birthing people and parents can experience on their journey into parenthood.
If we shift our thinking from trauma being an event that happens to us and instead focus on the feeling we have, we can better understand why some parents continue to experience symptoms of PTSD after birth or pregnancy.
Let me ask you…
Did you feel empowered during your birth experience and pregnancy?
Did you at all times feel heard, listened to and that your voice and opinion mattered?
Were you informed and given the opportunity to fully consent before all the tests you or your baby experienced?
Were there ever hushed-tones or semi-private conversations between the nurses or medical staff that left you feeling insignificant or panicked?
Do you feel icky, uncomfortable or invalidated when someone says the only thing that matters about your pregnancy or birth experience is that you got a “healthy baby”?
Do you find yourself jealous or uneasy when another parent talks about their pregnancy, birth or labour experience?
Can you look back on your pregnancy and birth experience with a lightness in your soul or does it feel heavy?
What is PTSD? How Do I know if I have Birth Trauma?
The human brain is a wonderful, protective thing and when we experience a traumatic event the memory gets stored in such a way as to keep it present, raw and available to ensure we DO NOT repeat that experience again. It is protective.
Unfortunately, it is also difficult to heal and move forward when our brains continue to keep us activated in our trauma responses.
Imagine you are on a major high-way and witness the after-math of a significant car accident. You are able to safely stop your car and assist the victims until medical help arrives. Maybe all you can give are words of encouragement. Maybe you can give hands-on support. The key is, you are able to take action. How do you imagine you would feel after this experience?
Now, imagine you see the same accident but you are on the opposite side of the highway. You still witness the same after-math, but this time you cannot safely assist. You are stuck. You cannot help, you can only witness. How might you feel after this experience? How might it be different from the paragraph above?
This is the difference. Trauma is not something that happens to us. Trauma is the emotional residue left after our system becomes overwhelmed. PTSD, or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, occurs when your brain, body and soul do not know how to finish the experience you had and leaves you re-living the emotions caused by the event inn the weeks, months and even years following the traumatic event.
Common symptoms that your traumatic birth has evolved into PTSD can include:
• Re-living aspects of the trauma (intrusive thoughts and images; nightmares; distress at real or symbolic reminders of the trauma)
• Feeling on edge or hyper-alert (being easily upset, angry, irritable; being easily startled; having difficulty concentrating)
• Suppressing feelings or memories (avoiding situations or people that remind you of the trauma; feeling detached/emotionally numb; keeping busy to distract yourself; being unable to remember aspects of the event; using alcohol or drugs to avoid memories)
• Physical sensations such as pain, sweating, nausea or trembling.
• Sleep difficulties.
Who can Experience PTSD after Pregnancy or Birth Trauma?
Anyone. The birthing parent is obviously at risk but so too are any partners or other persons in the room. Support persons like doulas or nurses can be impacted, family members or siblings who are left with too much or too little information about what is happening.
What Can I Do if I Have PTSD Symptoms from my Pregnancy or Birth Experience?
Stop minimizing.
Stop comparing.
What you experienced is valid, no matter how Big-T or Subtle-T it was.
Even if you weren’t the one giving birth or pregnant. Many fathers and adoptive parents continue to experience PTSD in silence.
If you find yourself re-living your birth or pregnancy experience in any way that is uncomfortable, therapy can help.
EMDR therapy specifically was created to help our brains complete the trauma experience and desensitize and reprocess what we when through, how we feel about it, and how we can move forward from it.
If you are in Ontario, Canada – please call or email for a free consultation to see how I can help.
Firefly Counselling – Helping you find light in the dark.
