Stop.
Did you notice it?
That breath you just took. How did it feel inside your lungs?
Now think back to a few minutes ago. Were you aware of the air around you? Or was it just there, waiting for you?
It’s vital to our survival. Every breath means we are living. Yet, we often don’t notice the air around us until it’s missing and our lungs start burning, waiting for that next breath.
When we tell new parents to practice self-care, I fear too often it becomes one more thing added to the never-ending to-do list. One more thing to stress about fitting into an already busy day. One more reminder of the parent guilt we carry with us when we do try and take care of ourselves.
But when was the last time you felt guilty for breathing?
Do you remember life before kids?
Back when time was there for you to use however you wanted in abundance. Maybe you didn’t notice it then but it was all around you. Down time to think. To play and have fun the way you wanted to spend it. To shower without asking someone else first.
You probably weren’t even aware of all the time you had available to you. Like the air all around you, time was just there. Waiting to support your survival and helping you thrive.
But then you had kids and a spouse. A home and a job. Add in a pet or the needs and opinions of extended family members and it quickly can become too much.
The time that was once so abundant, that you were barely aware of it as a resource, became scarce.
How do you break this cycle?
You need to change your perspective.
What if the next time you have a moment and need to decide what task you are going to do next you made self-care as important as breathing?
How might that feel different?
Would it change what you chose to do?
Do the toys on the floor and the dishes in the sink seem as important in comparison?
Make Self-Care Intentional
When someone goes scuba diving, they plan for the lack of air. They become intentional of it’s use and very, very aware of the need for it and the dangers of what can happen when they run out.
Self-care is just as important for new parents as air is for a scuba diver. It will not come to you without effort. It needs to be made, created and taken. It needs to be protected.
The effects of not having a proper balance of self-care won’t become apparent overnight. It’s a slow burn. It comes up as irritability towards your family members. As a sense of heavy limbs and difficulty thinking clearly. It shows up in struggling to know yourself outside of your roles to other people. Or a sadness and tension that you can’t shake off.
New parenthood can be all consuming. There are gadgets to buy and a whole new set of skills like feeding and diapering and sleep schedules to figure out. There are major changes to our intimate relationships and a major identity change in who you are as a person.
There are times a scuba diver is running low on air. When this happens, they are careful with what little they have and use it intentionally. They take little breaths. They spread those breaths apart. They know their survival depends on it.
Your survival depends on making self-care a priority.