There is a social media post that’s going around right now that asks you to fill in a few details as a way to celebrate your birth stories because it should be celebrated and it’s fun. (Post is at bottom of article)
I keep cringing every time I see it.
Don’t get me wrong – I LOVE any platform where birth is acknowledged, celebrated and birth givers are given a platform to talk openly about such an important life moment.
I love hearing birth stories. As a middle schooler, I often rushed home after school to watch “A Birth Story” on TLC. That moment when a baby is born and a person is transformed into a parent has always fascinated me. Even from that age, I was just as in awe with the transformation of a person as I was with the beauty of new life.
Maybe it was the editing or maybe it was my child brain but I don’t recall ever being surprised by the show. It was the 90’s but there were always two parents, the woman was pregnant and on a sunny afternoon or in the middle of the night her water broke or contractions started and they needed to go to the hospital. Maybe there was a home birth but in the 22 minutes there was no time to really capture the truth. The most dramatic scenes were if they would make it to the hospital in time.
Now, I am a holder of birth stories.
A holder of the full birth stories and not just the facts of what pain relievers were used or what the due dates were. The story about how the birth giver felt. The story about the births that included unwanted or unanticipated surprises. The stories where a birth professional caused harm or was the shining light in a moment of uncertainty. Birth stories that ended with new parents but no baby being brought home.
In some of these stories the birth giver lost their voice to say no. Times when birth supporters stood by unsure how to help or weren’t allowed or able to be present. Or moments were birth professionals talked about you instead of to you.
In honour of Mother’s Day please share whatever details you need and want to share with whomever you need to share them with.
I want you to feel validated to use your voice and be open about what happened to you, to your family and to your babies.
Maybe you are still holding pain. Maybe you have moved past the pain and need to use your voice after losing it in the vulnerable moments of labour.
So – share those facts but add to them with the details of your story if you feel called to.
Here are a few extra details I’d love to know:
Did you feel seen?
Did you feel heard?
Did you have the people and supports in the room you so dearly wanted and were they enough?
How long did you wait until you got to hold your baby for the first time?
What did you learn about yourself in those moments?
What did you learn about your partner or supporters?
What did you learn about your baby?
What was it like to meet your baby for the first time? Did you get to?
What was your recovery like?
Did you have any moments that flood you with emotions (comfortable or uncomfortable) when you think of them?
Were you able to feed the way you had hoped or did you need to adjust your plan and if so, how was that?
Are there any other important details about your labour & birth that you want me to know?
And most importantly – how do you feel now thinking about your birth experience?
Do you have unresolved feelings? If so, it may help to talk with a therapist who can help resolve them.
Here is the Original Social Media Post Going Around:
In honour of Mother’s Day coming up, here are my birth stories!
• Epidural:
• Pitocin:
• Caesarean:
• Induced:
• Gender Reveal:
• Due Date:
• Birthday:
• Weight:
• Nauseated:
• Heartburn:
• Swollen:
• Sex of baby:
• Hours in labour:
• Hours you pushed:
To all my fellow mothers, your body is a freaking miracle and it deserves to be celebrated!
Come on let’s hear your stories – it’s fun to read!